Clarity Is Kinder Than Assumptions

There was something that happened this week that stayed with me longer than I expected.

I agreed to be an accountability partner for someone during a focused season of work.

In my mind, accountability meant something very specific:
You tell me what you’re going to do, and I help you stay honest with yourself about doing it.

In her mind, accountability meant something else entirely.
It meant emotional support, availability, and coaching-level care when things felt heavy.

Neither of us was wrong.

But we were operating from two very different definitions, and we never slowed down to clarify that before saying yes.

And that’s where things got uncomfortable.
Not because anyone crossed a boundary intentionally.
But because the boundary was never clearly named.

Most conflict isn’t about disrespect

It’s about undefined roles and unspoken expectations.

When I sat with it later, I realized something important.

Part of this was on me.

I said yes without clarifying the role.

And in this season of life, clarity is an act of leadership.

Boundaries matter, yes. But boundaries don’t work very well when expectations are fuzzy. Clarity prevents resentment before it has a chance to take root.

Same words. Different meanings.

This reminded me of something my husband and I learned early in our relationship.

We were dating, talking about the things we loved, and somewhere in that conversation we both said, “Oh, I love camping.”

Bonding moment. Shared interest. Check.

Except… we never defined what camping meant.

So the first time we went camping together, I realized we were talking about two entirely different experiences.

For him, camping meant an RV with heat, a real bed, and a campground with a pool.

For me, camping meant a tent, an outhouse, a hand pump for water, and carrying everything in and out.

Same word.
Very different expectations.

Neither of us was wrong.

We just didn’t ask the qualifying questions.

(He tried my version once. Once.)

Midlife requires definition

This is something I see often with women in midlife.

We’ve spent decades being flexible, adaptable, and accommodating. We say yes quickly. We figure it out as we go. We absorb what isn’t clearly defined.

For a long time, that works.

But at some point, it starts to cost more than it gives.

Identity re-entry isn’t about becoming harder.
It’s about becoming clearer.

Not to control others.
But to stay aligned with ourselves.

Clarity isn’t cold

Clarity isn’t selfish.
It isn’t unkind.
And it isn’t a lack of compassion.

Clarity is what allows relationships, roles, and commitments to stay clean.

When expectations are named, fewer things need to be repaired later.

A grounded way forward

As I look ahead, the word that keeps showing up for me is claim.

Not in a loud way.
In a grounded way.

I don’t over-explain. I claim clarity.
I don’t absorb assumptions. I claim definition.
I don’t apologize for roles I never agreed to. I claim alignment.

This season doesn’t ask us to be tougher.

It asks us to be clearer.

And clarity, when offered with honesty and kindness, is one of the most respectful things we can give ourselves and the people we care about.

A question to sit with

Where might a lack of clarity be quietly draining you?

Not because anyone is doing something wrong…
but because expectations were never clearly named.

That question alone is often enough to begin re-entry.

— Cheryl 💋

Cheryl Miller
@HeyCherylMiller
Certified Nutrition & Wellness Coach (CNC, CWC)
Helping women stop hiding, start healing, and live unapologetically — fueled by Christ, coffee, and confidence.