You Didn’t Lose Yourself. You Outgrew Who You Had to Be.

There’s a question we get asked all the time.

“How are you?”

And most of us answer it before we’ve even checked in with ourselves.

“I’m fine.”

Not because it’s true.
But because it’s efficient.

“Fine” keeps things moving. It doesn’t invite follow-up questions. It doesn’t invite opinions. It doesn’t require us to explain feelings we don’t fully have words for yet.

For a long time, “fine” feels like the polite thing to say.

Until it starts to feel like the place we’re hiding.

When "Fine" Becomes a Shield

Most women don’t hide behind “fine” because they’re dishonest.

They do it because they’re experienced.

They’ve learned which rooms can handle honesty and which ones can’t. They’ve learned that some people ask how you’re doing out of habit, not because they actually want the truth.

So “fine” becomes a shortcut.

A shield.
A way to stay connected without over-explaining.
A way to keep the peace and keep moving.

That’s not weakness.
That’s survival with manners.

And for a while, it works.

Humor, Armor, and Getting Through

For many of us, humor plays a similar role.

If something hurts, we make a joke.
If something feels awkward, we laugh it off.
If we’re overwhelmed, we add sarcasm and keep going.

I’m not knocking it. Humor can be a gift. It can get you through a lot.

But armor, even well-crafted armor, is still heavy.

Especially when you wear it every day.

At some point, “fine” stops feeling neutral and starts feeling restrictive. And that’s usually when something shifts.

Outgrowing a Version of Yourself

There comes a moment when the version of you who could smooth everything over just gets tired.

Not angry.
Not bitter.
Not dramatic.

Just bone-deep tired.

You realize you can’t put the armor back on the way you used to. You don’t want to perform. You don’t want to soften your edges. You don’t want to explain why something doesn’t sit right anymore.

That’s often when women start wondering:

“What’s wrong with me now?”

The answer is usually… nothing.

You didn’t lose yourself.
You outgrew who you had to be in order to belong.

What Identity Re-Entry Actually Looks Like

Identity re-entry doesn’t mean you suddenly become louder or more visible.

Sometimes it means the opposite.

You walk into rooms and realize you don’t have anything you want to contribute, and instead of forcing yourself to participate, you don’t.

You observe.
You choose.
You conserve your energy.

Some days you show up fully.
Other days you sit back and let others fill the space.

That’s not withdrawal.
That’s discernment.

That’s a woman who knows herself well enough to decide where her energy goes.

And that’s confidence without the need for a microphone.

A Faithful Way to See This Season

One of the things I keep coming back to in this season is how patient faith actually is.

God doesn’t rush clarity.
He doesn’t force reinvention.
He doesn’t demand a performance.

Scripture talks about seasons for a reason.

Growth isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like a deeper breath, firmer boundaries, and less need to prove anything at all.

Sometimes faith looks like staying put long enough to recognize yourself again.

A Question to Sit with...

So here’s the question I’ll leave you with.

Where are you saying “I’m fine” out loud…
while quietly knowing there’s more to you than this?

You don’t have to answer it today.
You don’t have to fix anything.

Just notice.

That kind of honesty is often where re-entry begins.

— Cheryl 💋

Cheryl Miller
@HeyCherylMiller
Certified Nutrition & Wellness Coach (CNC, CWC)
Helping women stop hiding, start healing, and live unapologetically — fueled by Christ, coffee, and confidence.