Stop Shrinking, Start Living: Why You’ve Been Making Yourself Smaller — And Why It’s Time to Knock It Off

There’s a sneaky habit a lot of midlife women have mastered so well we don’t even recognize it anymore.

Not shrinking physically (though I wouldn’t turn down a little of that).
I’m talking about shrinking who we are.

Toning ourselves down.
Laughing a little softer.
Having big thoughts, big ideas, big feelings… and locking them all up because we don’t want to be “too much.”

And most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

We just learned, over the years, how to make ourselves easier.

Easier to like.
Easier to manage.
Easier to keep the peace.

Somebody along the way called us “dramatic,” or “too sensitive,” or “a lot,” and boom - without even realizing it, we updated our personality like a software patch and just kept moving.

But here’s the truth most of us don’t talk about…

Shrinking isn’t who we are.
It’s who we learned to be.

✨ A Moment That Hit Me Hard This Week

I was looking at a picture my husband took of me last fall - standing on top of the Crisp Point lighthouse.

And listen… nothing about that picture says “This woman is having a great time.”
My face is basically screaming, “What the hell am I doing up here?”
Heights are not my thing. At all.

Then, later that same day, I crossed a suspension bridge.
Mike waited on the other side because he knew if he stepped onto that bridge and made it bounce, I’d be back on land so fast it would blur.

Those were two things the smaller version of me would’ve talked herself out of.

But the version of me who is tired of shrinking?
Yeah… she crossed the bridge anyway.

And that moment stuck with me.
Because shrinking always feels safer.
But living?
Living requires showing up.

Even when your knees shake.

✨ 1. Shrinking Becomes a Habit - Not a Personality

Most of us don’t shrink because we’re weak.
We shrink because we’ve been conditioned to smooth our edges.

We’ve been told our emotions are “too much.”
We’ve learned that our dreams are “unrealistic.”
We’ve convinced ourselves that being low-maintenance makes us easier to love.

But here’s the real truth…

God didn’t make you watered down.
You were never meant to blend in.
And that heaviness you feel?
That’s the weight of a life you’ve been editing to make other people more comfortable.

✨ 2. Shrinking Feels Safe - But It Keeps You Stuck

Shrinking pretends to protect us.
But eventually, it becomes the cage we decorate and call “responsible adulthood.”

It costs us joy.
It costs us memories.
It costs us the woman we were actually created to be.

And it shows up quietly:

• downplaying your dreams
• biting your tongue when you have something to say
• being “the glue” instead of the glitter
• saying “it’s fine” even when it absolutely is not
• putting yourself last out of habit, not choice

And let’s be honest… glitter glue was never meant to blend in with the plain white stuff.

✨ 3. Midlife Is the Moment Everything Shifts

Midlife gets treated like it’s the beginning of the end and that’s nonsense.

Midlife is when the filter cracks and the truth finally makes its way to the surface.

It’s the season where shrinking doesn’t even make sense anymore because we’ve lived enough life to know this:

Playing small won’t save us.
Pretending doesn’t protect us.
And being less will never help us become who we’re meant to be.

✨ How to Stop Shrinking in Real Time

You don’t need a full reinvention.
You just need honest micro-shifts in the moment.

1. Catch it when you minimize yourself.

If you hear yourself say:
“It’s fine… whatever works… it’s not a big deal…”
That’s your shrinking voice.

Pause.

2. Say the sentence that brings you back.

“I’m allowed to take up space.”

Simple.
Direct.
True.

3. Do the thing you would’ve talked yourself out of.

Take the picture.
Cross the bridge.
Say what you actually think.
Choose the joy, even if your hands shake while you do it.

💌 Ready to go deeper?
If this message stirred something in you, my Unapologetically You Workbook + Audio is still available for just $1.

It will walk you through the exact micro-shifts you need to stop shrinking and start living fully.

👉 Click here to download it:
Unapologetically You Workbook + Audio – $1 Offer

Until next time,
-Cheryl 💋

Cheryl Miller
@HeyCherylMiller
Certified Nutrition & Wellness Coach (CNC, CWC)
Helping women stop hiding, start healing, and live unapologetically — fueled by Christ, coffee, and confidence.